We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
