I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
