I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
