I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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