it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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