I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
