don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
