did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
