I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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