Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
