i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
