What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
only if we run a train.
done.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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