went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
