he puts the penis in happiness.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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