halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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