i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The air taste purple.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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