Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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