no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
