Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nutella sex= disaster
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
