make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
