That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You took a bar mat shot.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
