i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's the barista slut.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
