Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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