of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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