i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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