i permit you to call me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
