I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I want a musical about memes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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