i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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