watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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