She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
