"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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