Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
