man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
