I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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