The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
