Four minutes until I can fart!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
