this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
