if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize