All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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