Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
