He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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