Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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