Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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