dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
