Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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