My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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