Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize