Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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