Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
