There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
