1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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