Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I want her autograph on my taint
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
