if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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