strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
