I threw up into my coffee this morning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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