I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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