The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
