so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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