Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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