I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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