you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
