just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
