in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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