We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
