Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
