someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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