Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
