Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They took my balls.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
