VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
