Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize