you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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