Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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